An unfortunate part of the dating process has always been – and will always be – rejection. Simply put, not every person that you come across will be the type that you would like to pursue something more with; either they’re not your type physically, or else other key differences in personality begin to show as the friendship progresses. The same can be said about other people and their opinions of you, as well. At some point, the time comes to accept your differences and agree to move in different directions.
In a traditional social setting, this rejection can often be a harsh and humiliating affair. Often it is based solely on physical attraction or lack thereof, and often it’s given with more venom than the other person perhaps intends. Said unfriendliness is often understandable, however; during a given night in a bar or nightclub, a physically attractive person will receive the lion’s share of the attention from the crowd, desired or otherwise. Nonetheless, it can be a crushing affair to work your way over to a person in a social setting and instigate conversation only to be loudly and unceremoniously shot down.
In an online setting, this blow is often softened a bit by virtue of the different methods of interaction. Because of the nature of online dating, both parties are free to pursue any sort of interaction at their own pace. Instead of feeling pressured to act by time, alcohol, and the people surrounding them, a person who is desirous of speaking further with another can do so at a much more relaxed, leisurely pace. Furthermore, it takes a while before either party can be said to have invested significant time into the relationship, or for that matter before the conversation can even be classified as a relationship.
For these reasons, an online rejection is often easier to bear than a verbal one. If you express interest in another person and they opt not to continue contact, you’ve lost very little of your time and effort, and you know that there exists a multitude of other people that you may have better luck with. In some cases, it takes a while before personality differences begin to show themselves, and you may have been talking to another person for some measure of time before they tell you that they’d just as soon desist. Even then, however, the impersonal email or telephone conversations lessens the impact of this, and you are able to take solace in the knowledge that the differences between you two would have ultimately proven detrimental to a lasting relationship.
Sometime, however, people still find this difficult. But the worst mistake you can make is contacting people over and over. This can turn them off and give the impression that you are a stalker, some dating services online will cancel your membership or censure you if they receive reports of continuous attempts to contact (as well they should. Remember, they don’t know your motives any more than you know anyone else’s when online.)
What you need to do is to contact as many people that have an interesting profile as possible. If you only contact two or three, and then wait weeks for a reply, of course you’re going to get frustrated. But if you send contact emails to 20 different people, chances are you will receive several replies. Again, do not take anything personally!
If you are continuously getting rejection emails (not ‘no replies’, but rather actual rejections) maybe the problem is your profile. Recheck it and see what it says about you. Is it honest and sincere? Have you used your best picture? Does it sound too needy or too non committal? Many online dating services provide help with putting together the perfect profile, and this service is usually free. So take advantage – and keep trying!
And remember, you may on occasion find yourself having to play the role of the rejecter. In cases such as these, the same points mentioned above are applicable. It is never an easy thing to tell somebody that you don’t want to continue contact with them, but in the internet environment you have every option to let them down far more softly. Again, neither party is overly-invested in the relationship at first, and thus any rejection should be easier to bear and to give. After all, it’s a natural part of the dating process.